I recently had a conversation with someone that in the past had caused me much pain. The details are not relevant to the point of this particular blog.
This was the first time I have been able to speak with this individual without feeling extreme anxiety. We were actually able to have a great conversation. He sincerely apologized for the things he put me through growing up.
This is what I said to him:
“Everyone does things in their life that they are ashamed of. Some might be worse than others. I forgive you but you have to forgive yourself. If you want to do better and be better then you have to forgive yourself. To do that means you have to love yourself enough to look deep inside and to be really honest with yourself. If you don’t do this, you will fall right back into your old patterns. If you want to be better, you have to do this.”
This was not a conversation I ever thought in my entire life that I would have with this individual. I was never able to speak to him without it causing me great pain. So I avoided doing so altogether.
I realized that I never want to be the reason someone suffers. Especially when they are genuinely trying to get their life together. I don’t want to be the type of person that hurts others just because they hurt me. I also realized that the pain I’ve held for all of these years was poisoning me. If I want to be better, to do better then I have to follow my own advice.
The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. ~Mahatma Gandhi