Nobody wants their marriage to end. To spend years building with someone to just throw it all away. I am a fighter. I always have been. I fought for my marriage. I knew in my heart when I was done. Though a part of me couldn’t accept it. That fight in me made me want to hold on. Until I realized it was destroying me to stay.
I knew I would be made the bad guy since I was the one to leave. I just never expected some of the casualties that came with divorcing my husband.
Endings are never easy. You leave hoping to find peace and happiness again. What you don’t realize is-it gets worse before it gets better. You have suffered many losses. Your home, your spouse, your marriage, money, possessions and even friends. It’s a snowball effect. Nothing is ever going to be the same. Some of these things you may expect but others not so much.
Then there are the children. That is the toughest part of divorce. You as a parent have to try to be patient with your kid/s. Life for them has been turned upside down. It doesn’t matter what age they are. The illusion of their happy family has been shattered. Their life will never be the same. Just love them through it.
People don’t always take the time to try to understand what exactly you’re going through. You walk alone. You take the hits and you cry yourself to sleep night after night. You cry, you scream, you exercise yourself into exhaustion, you isolate. You beat yourself up for feeling as you do. You mourn. Boy do you mourn!
But you get up each day and live your life the best that you can. You begin again. Bit by bit. Building a new life. As time passes you no longer feel guilty for doing what you knew was best all along. You learn to let judgements bounce off of you. You find yourself laughing again. Smiling again. Finding that fight for yourself again. You realize healing has been taking place all along.
Final thought: Like I said, it gets worse before it gets better. But it does get better. You find your way, your thinking becomes clearer and you will smile again. Life is what you make it. Don’t let all the pain you endured keep you in darkness. Forgive and find your light. It’s there. Your life is waiting for you. So start living!