Day 1-3: no sugar
Wife gives up sugar. Hubby hands wife a cookie on day one. Wife throws cookie in the trash, licks melted chocolate off of fingers though. Don’t judge me!
Day 3-Hubby and wife go out to eat. On way home, hubby pulls up to the grocery. Wife asks him, what he is getting. Hubby says, he wants wife to go in and get him some E.L. Fudge cookies. Wife does so as she doesn’t want hubby to have to park truck and risk injury walking on ice.
Wife gets his cookies, wife sees candy and cookies galore. All are calling her name. Wife sees a package of peanut butter chocolate chip cookies. Wife sprints to the checkout!
Wife leaves store with just her hubby’s stupid cookies.
Cookies and hubby enjoy each other’s company. Wife avoids both like the plague.
Day 5: no sugar
Hubby and wife venture out to eat and to pick up a few things. Hubby decides he wants G.D. Ritzy’s ice cream.
Hubby points out that they have candy cane ice cream. (wife’s fav) Hubby gets his double scoop in a sugar cone. Hubby offers wife a bite. Wife declines, considers it but declines.
Wife begins to fantasize…..smacking the pointy end of that sugar cone up her hubby’s nose.
Wife gets warm and tingly all over.
Day 6: no sugar
Hubby runs to the grocery. Wife begins to unload all of the groceries and put them away.
Wife sees that hubby purchased a box of FAT-FREE FUDGSICLES! Fat free means extra sugar….wife knows that he knows this. Wife also knows that hubby NEVER buys fat-free anything for himself.
Wife realizes that hubby is being an absolute ass!!!!!! Hubby thinks this shit is funny! ASS!
Wife hatches a plan.
Step one of wife’s diabolical plan: Take one FUDGING FUDGSICLE at a time, unwrap, put in the sink, allow the hot water to melt every last one of the little bastards until all of the sugary yumminess is gone…gone…gone. Ass!!!!!!!!
Step two of wife’s diabolical plan: Cut the crotch out of each and every damn pair of hubby’s pants. Ass!
Step three of wife’s plan: Play dumb. ASS!!!!!!!!
My plan makes me feel warm and tingly all over. Puts a great big smile on my face. Better than sugar! ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!