As we get older we may find ourselves questioning our paths. I know that I have. I had so many things happen that required me to be in that moment. That required me to fight through. These things took a lot of energy.
When you suffer injury at a young age, it is a bitter pill to swallow. First you think about surviving. Surviving surgeries. Surviving the bills coming in while being unable to work. Surviving infections. Surviving pain. Surviving withdrawals from pain medications. Secondly, you think of all the things that are no longer available to you. Things that were a big part of who you were.
You have a lot of down time while recovering between surgeries to think about life. To worry. To feel all that weight on you. But you just fight through.
These things changed my path. I don’t know who I would be, had these things not happened. I do not allow myself to think like that. That is like wishing. This isn’t a fairytale. It is life. You make the best with the cards you are dealt.
I didn’t always think like this though. I felt like all of these things that happened, defined me. Perhaps they do but not in the way I once thought. I saw it all as a negative. I stopped dreaming of what could be. I was once told, “we make the best decisions we can with what we know at that time.” I understand this more than ever. I let the negativity of these situations control me. Not anymore.
Do I still struggle at times. Of course I do. With chronic pain comes depression. Unfortunately, they go hand in hand. Another thing to fight. But I do fight through.
I share my painful experiences now. There was a time, I struggled talking about it. It was too much for me. It was almost like reliving everything all over again.
But I’ve learned a lot about myself over the years. I fight. It’s who I am. I’m proud of who I am today. I’m proud of the fight I have in me. I’m proud that I have chosen to look upon all of these things as building blocks for my strength rather than things that defeated me. I haven’t been defeated. I’ve been changed.
Maybe that is my purpose. To share these experiences and help others change their way of thinking. To help others find their way out of that dark place.