Lugubrious-Sometimes it is okay to not be Okay

As the anniversary of my Mom’s passing nears, it has been weighing on me. I hate to show that side. I’ve always equaled it to weakness. I don’t anymore. It’s human. We cannot be jovial all of the time. Thinking that I always have to present myself as being okay is bullshit. It’s okay to not be okay. Feel what I feel, get it out and then pick my ass up and get on with it.

12 thoughts on “Lugubrious-Sometimes it is okay to not be Okay”

    1. Yes it is. Although I’m glad I videoed so much of my Mom the last few years, it’s hard sometimes when they pop up in my memories on FB. Sometimes they make me laugh and other times cry. I think it is normal with one year anniversary coming up that I’m really feeling it.

      1. That’s true. I admit, I only have a few pictures of my mom and none of my dad. And I think my mind has purposely blocked the memories of when they passed. This has been almost 20 years now. I honestly cannot remember the dates, just around the time of year. It’s actually helpful. But I do think about them every day.

      2. I don’t think we ever stop missing those we love and lost. I think grieving just changes. I’ve gotta look at those pictures and videos as a positive. Some were taken as a way for my parents to communicate with one another. Mom was in rehabilitation center while dad was in ICU after emergency triple bypass and valve replacement. I’d do a video of each of them sending love to the other. It was very sweet.

      3. It’s awesome to have something like that. My dad was kind of a party boy sort. And I truly believe that if it weren’t for a wreck he had, and going on disability, he would have eventually screwed up on my mom or eventually divorced her.

      4. It made things work out. It’s kind of a screwed up way of working out, but I think it was a way the Lord allowed to protect me. If my parents divorced, I seriously would have went crazy. My childhood was messed up enough, something like that would have ruined me.