I think, wait scratch that, I know there have been times in my life where I gave away my power. I think everybody has at one time or another. Mine was more so due to events that temporarily crippled me, leaving me needing assistance. Then there is another factor at play here. The world today is much different than years gone by. Women can do or be anything they want to be. How we are raised though may not prepare us for that. It can, in fact confuse young girls. Roles are given in families. Without realizing it sometimes. The boys are taught to do specific chores that are thought of as manly and young girls are given chores that are often thought of as feminine typical roles.
It’s scary how hard it is sometimes to break a cycle once it has been formed. As I grew stronger physically, I still had a lot of work to do mentally. When you lose pieces of time, of memory, it has a deep impact on you. Then there is the belief that was instilled as a young girl, that a woman needs a man. One that is often instilled into young girls. I always liked the idea of being married. But marriage is not a necessity. I remember a time when I was so unsure of myself, of my strength, of my tenacity. One, from repercussions from my accident and again in regards to my marriage. My thinking was that I had to stay married despite the foundation that had long crumbled around me. I felt that I could not make it on my own. I probably stayed longer than I should have. I fight. I fought hard to try to save my marriage. I think fear was a factor also. Fear of being on my own. Of the unknown.
I did find it again though. My strength. I found it and ran with it. I found that despite there being many things that I cannot do physically, that I can and will always find a way to get done what needs to get done. I believe in myself again.
I think back to the young woman broken by circumstances and I look at the woman I am now and I smile. I’m still figuring things out. But I’m not scared to try. I’m not scared to make hard decisions on my own anymore. I’ve straightened my crown and I am proud of my journey.