The Past is a Place of Reference not Residence

I have posted many times about the importance of moving forward. I think, wait…scratch that, I know I have been trying to pound that into my own head. The truth is, until we are ready to let go of things, we are stuck. We might try to move forward but we go nowhere.

I have beat myself up over my marriage. Not my divorce, my marriage. Why? Because I don’t think I ever really knew him. That has scared the Hell out of me. It has kept me hidden away from the world. Fear is a Hell of thing.

I tried to save my husband from himself. The process about destroyed me. I realized after some time that I had to save myself. I had lived in my bedroom for several years avoiding him. My thinking was, if I didn’t let him close to me, he couldn’t hurt me. But that was wrong. I shut myself away and off from everyone. It drained me in every way. Spiritually, physically, mentally. I was dying a slow death. No one can save another person. Not from alcohol. They have to want to save themselves.

I’ve been looking back entirely too much! I lost enough time hiding away during my marriage. Here I am still avoiding humans. I have tried but at the same time I have my running shoes ready to bolt. Then I just fall back into seclusion. I admit I have a big wall up. Huge! But at the same time, I realize that being skeptical is a good thing too. Wisdom comes from experience. Keeping my eyes wide open for flags is essential. I need to find a happy medium. At least I’m ready to start living again. It might be a process. I may have to remind myself time and time again. I have beat myself up enough. I can trust my own judgment. I can believe in myself again. The past is a place of reference not residence. It’s time to pack my bags and get on with life!

10 thoughts on “The Past is a Place of Reference not Residence”

  1. <3 So sad Laura <3

    You have been through so much. I have not had the same experience as you but I can relate to a lot of what you said about the effect that kind of long-term situation can have on your well-being and can make you so much more cautious.

  2. Wow there is alot of ways to go with your life experiences but one thing I can say for certain …you can’t change the past but as stated it is a reference, in your case on what not to do, what expectations to have going forward and how to have a self love to see better for yourself in and out of a relationship.

      1. 2011 was a bad time in my life and things didn’t improve until 2014 but I don’t dwell on the past but learned alot about myself so I could move forward and be a better person so I don’t repeat the same path I went down before

  3. Oh my Dad is an alcoholic, he’ll say he isn’t, but he is. My mum has always said, if he had just stopped the drinking she would have stayed. But she had to think of us kids and herself. It’s a very frustrating situation to be in. My Dad is a good person, until he drinks. He started drinking because he was shy and alcohol made him less so. I love my Dad and I am sure you loved your Husband, but good on you for leaving. If they wont help themselves, you need to leave. Any type of addiction, if they don’t want to help themselves, you have to put yourself first.

  4. I allow myself to have moments of anger. I’m a bit angry off and on again lately because I have to see him in July at my daughter’s wedding celebration. It seems so unfair that he doesn’t have to suffer for what he did to us! But whatever… it’s still a man’s world. Truth.

    1. I understand the anger! Believe me! There are things I don’t talk about. The repercussions live on. But I’m tired of it controlling me. I’m taking back control. It isn’t fair and boy do I feel that in the deepest part of my soul.