Outside your Comfort Zone

Why do I get anxiety at the thought of going out by myself? I’m confident. I’m strong. I’m independent. But for some reason going and sitting down alone at a restaurant gives me anxiety. But I’m going.

I had a lot of anxiety last year traveling for the first time in my life alone. But I did it. I was a nervous wreck on the flight but I survived it.

But where does this anxiety come from? Why do I get anxious about doing things alone? Maybe I have monophobia. I don’t fear living alone. But anxiety about going out alone is a form of monophobia. I just always believed that most phobias stem from an event.

I have to be honest here. When I go out alone, my worst anxiety stems from people trying to talk to me. Does that seem strange? I seem pretty outgoing to most people. I can be. When the situation calls for it. So, I guess I’m monophobic with social anxiety due to trust issues. Whew! I’m a mess! So I fear going out alone because I prefer to be alone. Oh my! Calling Doctor Freud! What a conundrum!

Well, at least this post helped me figure out the why! I guess I’ve taken the first steps towards confronting it already. I’m forcing myself out of my comfort zone. Baby steps.

27 thoughts on “Outside your Comfort Zone”

  1. You will always fear to what is unknown to you…

    Embrace it use it as fuel to stoked the fire to grow stronger and more powerful like fire there elements it needs to draw life and flourish as do we.

    The response to Fight / Flight/ Freeze is all within yourself and how you handle cold state of adversity awaiting for you to lingering and fester in fear.

    You Decide how your cards will be played and odds are never in your favour when you go all in against the Reaper’s hand.





  2. I think it natural , even most animals travel in packs. Seriously, when you can go to a familar place where you have made eye contact with at least the waiter or cashier. I see people usually travel in pairs in restaurants and some kinds of shopping places. But, for the most part people shop alone. Good luck..

  3. Reblogged this on Notes and commented:
    Quite an interesting read on monophobia (of getting lonely). I have a different take on it. Even the worst company (of people) is still better than no company at all. Just imagine a planet where you are the only one representing your specie and there’s nothing and nobody else there. That is quite a lonely place and I hate to be alone like that. I think we humans are social animals and that’s the reason the worst punishment (or jail term) you can award is solitary confinement.

      1. oh my… sorry to hear about your experience with miserable people. From your experience, tell me what is the best way to tackle such miserable people in addition to just quitting or stop talking?

  4. I’s say in today’s screwed up society that treats people like garbage, you’re closer to normal than you think, and if you are “crazy” at all, look at it this way… The text book clinical definition of insanity is behavior that differs from the societal norm.

    Ergo, if you’re crazy it’s only because you have legitimate issues with users and trolls when most of society views that behavior as a fun part of the game of life.

  5. I’ve taken flights alone many times, but they’re short, just an hour and back up to NorCal. That doesn’t count. Not really traveling, just going to visit the kids, which I love to do. But I have done the other things too… movies, museums, restaurants. It’s not a big deal after the first time.

    Single men are more likely to talk to you if you are alone. Not that this has happened to me so much, but just saying. A friend of mine just met a woman at a concert who was sitting alone.

  6. I really don’t care for doing things alone, like traveling, so much more exciting to share the experiences with someone. Eating out alone is another one I don’t like though I have done it many times, still don’t like it though. Doing other things alone doesn’t bother me as much though. Enjoy your evening!

  7. I dont care for going out alone because I get bored. If its shopping, eating out, or movies then I would like someone with me for companionship. Me and Kareem (hubby) do everything together and it’s because we like to experience things together, but there have been times when he couldn’t be there.
    There’s times when I want alone time from the kids so I trudge it you know for sanity reasons😉, but during those times, I think about one of my besties or even my sister being with me whenever I see other people with loved ones milling about😞

    I took a train by myself one year(visiting family, hubby couldn’t go); 15 hours alone was the worst feeling in the world. Changing trains at layovers, uncomfortable and was terrified!! What if I got on the wrong connector (almost did), Didnt trust Penn Station or DC terminals because they’re so big and busy.

    Took a plane by myself during first pregnancy(for a funeral, hubby couldn’t go then either)- lonely and miserable sitting

    Took a plane semi self (not a word but 🤪) with my oldest(hubby couldn’t go then either), he was my crutch. By focusing on him, I didnt really feel so lonely

    Laura, you’re several steps ahead of me for pulling off dining solo; straight Kudos🍾

    1. Yes!! I was scared flying alone. I thought, what if I go to wrong area, miss my flight? All that kinda stuff. I shop alone. I don’t mind that. But sitting by myself in s restaurant is an issue. But I’m doing it anyways!

  8. I’m the same way. I hate travelling alone, I feel like there are eyes burning into the back of my skull, and if I make eye contact, I automatically stare at my lap.
    Hell, just this past year I’ve been able to handle going to store by myself with out truly freaking.
    You on the other hand are taking control of it in an amazing way. Dining out by yourself!!! Do you know how big of a deal it is to read that!! I don’t think I could ever get myelf to pull that off. You should be very proud of yourself!!!! 🤗👏🙌 💪

  9. As much as we like to think we’re totally independent, we’re made to be social and depend on each other… it’s frustrating at times. I don’t like being around a lot of people…. but I’m a social butterfly on here…..

  10. Once you start doing it, it gets easier and easier until you don’t even think about it. I think, for a lot of women, going out alone triggers a subconscious warning of danger. Women are vulnerable and even if we aren’t thinking about it, there’s something that tells us WARNING. When we’re with others, or even one other, we feel safe, as if no one will bother us and even if they do, someone has your back. Also, women aren’t EXPECTED to be doing those thing alone (although that’s changed a lot). I remember when I was in a class and I was talking about this exact subject and no one believed that women weren’t allowed to do things alone. The next class a woman said she was at dinner with her husband and he said, “Look at that woman over there. She’s out by herself.” He said it in a nasty way and she said she was all over him. LOLOLOL But it’s hard to eat alone. I might suggest bringing a book, or a journal. I do that a lot. Mostly because I always read or write while I’m eating but I write on napkins if I don’t have a journal. That will ease you into it and fewer people will talk to you. I think you’re doing great. Yay!!!!! I LOVE being by myself, more than anything, so it’s not because you don’t like to be alone. There are cultural aspects to what’s going on. It also depends on where you eat. Start at faster food places until you feel more comfortable, it that will get you over the hump, so to speak. Because of the way you look, people may want to talk to you but if you just do your thing, they may leave you alone so you can enjoy yourself. 🙂 Maybe none of this is relevant to you but it worked for me, so just passing it along.

    1. Thank you so much. I do agree with feeling safer with friends. But I can’t sit alone waiting for availability. Everyone has their own life to lead. I’m gonna get a journal and start going to little coffee shops and start jotting down thoughts. It gets me out and I think help me deal with some painful things. Get it out. Thanks again!!

  11. Loved this post! I have traveled alone, I go to the park alone.. I don’t like going to restaurants or the movies alone.. Each time I see people eating alone, I’m like, “I need to do that!” And I don’t. Now, reading your post, I feel like, I should try!

    1. I go to parks alone and country drives. I don’t mind walking alone. It’s being surrounded by people and being alone. But I’m forcing myself outside of that comfort zone. I had a fabulous meal last night and sat and relaxed. Only person that I talked to was my waitress. She was a delight. I was able to find an area of restaurant that had very few people sitting there. It was outdoor patio. I sat, relaxed and it was perfect. I do plan to go more often. It’s treating myself but it’s pushing myself too.